Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
