I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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