what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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