his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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