SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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