i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
