Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
