Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
