u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
