i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
