Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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