she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
