is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
