I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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