if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize