At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My bed smells like the plague
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize