2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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