I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
