was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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