we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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