I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
