I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
from now on my penis is your penis
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
