Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
