I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
