Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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