Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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