Is it normal to miss your booty call?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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