Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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