at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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