I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
