Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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