I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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