i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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