Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
