Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Who died my cat blue again?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
