That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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