That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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