I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
