More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
