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you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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