her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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