i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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