I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
