i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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