We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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