Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
