Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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