Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
