the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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