erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
