I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
