I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
