did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
