broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
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Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i think my cat just said my name.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
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Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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