When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
