What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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