It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
