good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
