I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
