I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
