So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize