her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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