weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
