You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
