i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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